Printer obituary

(Originally published January 13, 2008)

Susan McCullough's Hewlett-Packard 5P printer died yesterday. The printer was approximately 7 years old.

The cause of death is unknown. On the previous day, the printer appeared to be functioning normally. Yesterday, however, any and all attempts to print any documents resulted in paper jams. The little puffy sound that indicated a proper paper feed was not to be heard. On the fifth and final attempt to print, a small piece of paper became caught fast in one of the mechanical parts, making it completely inaccessible to removal by fingers or even tweezers. If Captain Kirk and Dr. McCoy had been present, the latter would have intoned, "It's dead, Jim."

In lieu of a funeral, McCullough's husband took both the printer and an old Gateway computer to the local Staples for recycling. Meanwhile, McCullough decided to clean her office -- a task she should have performed weeks ago.

Succeeding the 5P is an HP P1006 that is about half the size and 1/3 of the cost of the 5P. Between the suddenly neat, orderly office and the new printer, McCullough may have trouble recognizing her workplace for a few days.